she

It was just a short conversation. I saw her earlier. Despite the long wait, she was still all smiles. Somehow the smiles made me stretch my tired muscles too. I asked how did she do that. She shared that everyone of us are usually caught up with the stress in life. We often do not realise that by controlling our emotions, we are actually absorbing the stress into our system. She only took a control of her life by moving out of comfort zone to be as happy as she is today. She only has the 'spark' to thank for the lovely change. That 'spark' which convinced her that she had enough of faking smiles and telling herself everything is alright. She wished me the best and I wondered to myself when I will have the courage to say it's enough! Will I ever? We shall see.

papa's birthday

We had a little surprise birthday party for Papa's 62nd. It wasn't just us celebrating with him. Cousins and Mama's siblings came over too. The cake was pretty to look at and equally nice. Had fun over good food and jokes.

still the same?

I intentionally missed a number of classes this trimester.I was hardly present for any lecture but KH signed for my absence. I attended my 3rd tutorial on Management Accounting tonight and realised it was the last. I managed to pass my tests despite skipping the classes. It was absolutely madness of trying to understand the concepts at the last minute. I've two weeks to self study for my papers coming up.

I'd been unhappy in school. Hiddy and I aren't as close as before. It irritates me every time I was asked what went wrong between us. I do not have a freaking idea! Just cos we are not seated beside each other and not able to gossip as frequently, something is wrong? However, I do miss confiding in my bestie. Especially now.

I recall how I missed school for almost a month when my relationship with my bestie in Sec 1 changed drastically. I was upset with myself for going on a two-day MC and wondered what caused the drift in our friendship. I do not want to be misunderstood. I hated being abandoned and discriminated. I kept to myself and told mum to allow me miss school. My concerned form tutor called home and counselled me. I went back to school.

I learnt it wasn't my fault at all. Lin wanted to have a sense of belonging to a popular group. I never wanted to be in that clique. I do not want to be yet another school-bitch. I want to be in my own world and remain true to myself. For every failed friendship or r'ship, I've habitually blamed myself. Would I be happier if I stop feeling this much? Just how long can we be around the people we love? That is why we must never take others' sincerity for granted.

1st Nov

Had an unexpected lunch with the girls at Alaturka Restaurant. We shared laughs over ghost stories. I suppose if we were doing so at night, I won't be laughing as much.









We had a surprise birthday dinner for mama. I loved the beautiful cake I got and the yummy steamboat. Papa brought home fresh seafood. Papa caught me off guard when he asked if we'd wait for Phil. It took him a long while to accept Phil. Phil did turn up and I tried my best to mask my pain throughout. I do not want Papa to worry for me. It helps that my ex was obliging in making himself feel at home. I enjoyed this beautiful Sunday with my loved ones.