chapter's end

Teary nights went by. In exasperation, I got mad and told him off. He was sorry for my every hurt and let me vent my anger by verbally abusing him. I do not want to let go, why can't he understand my English? It's not fair. Not to me, not to him. I asked just how he seemed to be more accepting towards our break up. In tears, he told me that he really believe in Him. He surrender me and us into His Hands and pray that He will lead me back to him when the time is right.

In my previous entry, I wrote that relationship works best when they are balanced. I believe I'd never let someone be the priority in my life when I'm just an option in his. Recent conversations in the wee hours somehow included that line. I was mad I'm just an option. He only chose to believe our relationship should come to an end cos the timing isn't right. What happened to his promise to be strong for us? LIAR!

Tears flowed freely like some kind of malfunctioned tap. Tired and afraid about going through a similar episode of being abandoned, I managed to calm myself down when I heard sobs, not from myself but the man who was perhaps equally in pain. I hated myself as much as I despised his guts to fight for our love. Can't exactly blame him for not being so dramatic cos he isn't a verbally expressive bf to begin with. He would rather keep to himself than say something dumb to upset me further. In that manner, he is smart-er.

I thought of him and our love for God. I realise in my ways of trying to make my man feel less pressured by his family, I somehow let him be the priority in my life and perhaps my religion became an option. I suppose by loving Phil so much made me be more open to his faith. I'm thankful that despite the heartbreak, his love for God made me see the need for me to repent. Whatever happens for a reason in God's willing and I will patiently learn to take difficulties in my stride as a blessing in disguise.

I took more effort to cover up my puffy eyes this morning. It is just a short day at work, I comforted myself. I wished all customers a nice weekend. I was surprised when a customer told me he has been watching the well-groomed me, serve every customers with smiles. We shared a short conversation which he left impressed with my positive personality. It's not only the art of make-up but I'm smiling vivaciously despite being broken cos that's a big part of being professional. Kudos to myself!

To Phil: There is never a deadline when it comes to loving you, B. I felt slighted that you gave our relationship a deadline too. I'll always be your B. The rest of the world need not understand me but not you cos it means a world to me if you misunderstand me. May we find the truth that we seek and be stronger. I do not don't love you. Good things will come to those who pray, hope and work for the best.

contract love

By the end of the month, I'd be embracing single hood again.

I'm not exactly out of LOVE!

Relationships work best when they are balanced..

botanic love affair

Phil and I visited the Botanical Gardens today. Despite having to find me in the drizzle, he wasn't angry that I was late again and even got off at the different entrance. We'd a yummy brunch at Casa Verde. Phil is inspired to return for the weekday promotional 1-for-1 takeaway pizzas.

Walks were enjoyable especially cos it was after the drizzle, thus it wasn't too warm for us to cam whore and explore this tourist attraction. I remember Phil telling me that he felt as if we were not in Singapore while enjoying the beautiful horticulture in the garden.

We checked out The Evolution Garden which tells the amazing story of how plants gave us life, and how, long before we humans arrived, they started to evolve into the myriad complex life forms that we see today. It was a journey through time from ancient times.through the planet of dinosaurs, and into the modern world of many different flowering plants we enjoy today.

Phil was so happy he found a power source to charge his Mac Book. We sat down to eat the briyani I brought. Not too picnic-like a date for us. =p I had loads of fun nevertheless. Our love for aircon was clear as we fooled around happily when we are in The Cool House which encloses a montane tropical forest. Trees and rocks are draped with a profusion of spectacular orchids and carnivorous plants. The cool air, drifting mist and rushing torrent provide a highly realistic representation of high elevation sites in the tropics and we absolutely love this!

I paid $1 for the admission fee to The National Orchid Garden cos I'm a student. $5 for Phil's adult ticket. No matter how old the student is, so long a metric card is produced! I'd even more cam whoring cos Phil was my obliging photographer. He probably thought he is snapping pictures of a stray monkey though cos I was running around one moment and posing for the snaps, the next.

We also visited the Library of Botany and Horticulture. It is just so peaceful and I was happy to be quiet. Phil was happier than me it seems. It wasn't cos I finally kept my volume down.. =p he found another power source! This man is definitely dating not just me, but his new love, Mac! Once I excused myself to go to the little girls room and when I got back, I found my man grinning at the YouTube videos! Then again, I fell in love with that happy face..oh well..

We enjoyed beautifully painted art pieces in an exhibition showcase. Before heading back, we fed fishes. It was fun feeding the hungry new found friends. It was their favourite food after all. Vividly, I remember a couple taking their wedding photos, an elderly couple holding hands on the bench and a bunch of friends celebrating a girl's 18Th birthday. People come here with happy tots, I suppose. For myself, I came here with happy tots to spend an afternoon with the love of my life. I definitely did.

Thank you B for taking time to be with me.

MC

I'm having a week's leave again. somehow.. here I am down with the flu bug. 'nice' start for the break which got me 2 days of MC without me even asking Doc. I have so much to catch up! I don't know what's gotten oven me for missing plenty of lessons for this trimester. This break I told myself to get started in my projects. I'd so many things planned out for this week.... and now all i wanna do is sleep and recover fast, fastest!

'love me for a reason' by Boyzone is being played right now. I read about Stephen Gately's death this morning while looking for articles on law and morality. I have 4 more articles to analyse for the Legal Aspects Of Business project. Just where are the articles man..enough about Fann's wedding already!

Alright peeps I'm gonna fall asleep again. The medicine makes me drowsy and cranky.. no, they make me drowsy and even more crankier than I'm already am. Will be back for more cheerful updates.

When is your big day?

Yesterday, a lovely customer who usually comes with compliments, came by. She suddenly asked me "when is your big day dear?" It caught me off guard. I smiled awkwardly and muttered that I don't know how to answer this question. Colleague probably overheard and said "soon.. soon.." I smiled at them and wished the lady have a pleasant day. I'm hardly in a stable relationship so why'd I even know when is my big day? Sometimes we get questions at the right time which somehow will make us realise what's our stand.=)