Don't be sad

I've been trying so hard to contain my emotions but I broke down and sobbed in the bathroom till I threw up. I'm feeling terrible. Puffy-eyed, I'm refraining from crying as I type this entry. I miss the usual Sunday evenings with my best-est friend. Badly. I quickly wiped my tears away. Mama just got back and turned to look at me. Probably heard my sniffle. I'm gonna act busy by typing away and NOT look up. I'm feeling the emotional strain. Crying is cathartic but it doesn't erase the cause of the tears.

rain

It has been raining daily isn't it? Since I've been feeling down, the weather seems to feel for me. Cold, like how I am feeling inside. I love the rain. When I was younger, my parents will make me put on the raincoat every time it rained. Somehow, I always see hay-like image as I watched and admired the droplets on the raincoat happily. Nothing around me was yellow and what I thought I saw, was just my imagination. We were living in our own island back then and I'd also 'put on' plastic bags! My innocent efforts to keep my school shoes white and dry. Raincoats belonged to my younger days. I cannot remember when I stopped having my raincoat around. Walking in the rain wasn't so bad an idea as I grew up. Umbrellas were a hassle. Today I walked in the rain. I was in tears. Perhaps, it's time I put on a bigger raincoat and a pair of boots. I'd be dancing in the rain and feel a lil happier even as I cry..

wish

- wish -

there's a wish buried deep,

deep in the abyss of my heart.

a heart that has been tested,

tested enough, i foolishly thought.

this wish resurfaced yet again,

again it broke through the barriers.

these barriers were angrily placed,

placed to prevent any more tears.

that wish should have just left,

left and flutter to my only solace.

the solace was none other than you,

you who selfishly left me to wonder.

the wish is none other than you,

you being here still, laughing.

laughing with you was that wish,

a wish that is now just a wish.