wonder if..

Just how do we tell if someone who matters is worth the fight? I asked myself in the cab ride home. He was seated by my side but I can feel emptiness in my heart. He wiped my tears away. I remained silent. On my mind, I wonder if he still meant a lot; enough for me to defend our love.

Last night, i was told that one of my aunts spoke to my cousin; suggesting he'd talk to me about our relationship. It was totally random it caught me almost offguard. I reasoned that being 27, i'd (be able to) be responsible for my own decisions and weigh the consequences. Nosey aunt's just unnecessarily concerned about me wasting my youth away. To set the record straight, I know my stand. I only need my immediate family's blessings. I hope I'd not bring shame to my parents abusing the freedom and trust they gave me.

I was bothered that my aunt had to talk to my cousin on this matter which is seriously none of her business. Since when does it mean that we'd be married just by seeing each other exclusively!? My parents dated for 12 years before they eventually got married. Way back, did anyone guessed that the interracial couple'd even have a family together? Having said that, I never dreamt of marrying anyone yet! I've my ideal wedding in mind but seriously no wedding is in the cards! I highlighted to my mum that should she have any concerns, she'd directly share with me rather than going thru others!

Lately I came to wonder why I can't share what i feel as openly as before. He actually meant a lot. Convinced I love, I believe that I'll defend him,no matter. Sadly, we have this disturbing inability to express ourselves. Often, i shared my views only to feel disappointed with his nonchalant behaviour. Although he claimed otherwise, those were the negative vibes i got from his responses. I thought about us and wonders if tears will be here as frequent as way back when i dated Woon. I'm tired being the one who loves in sadness and not knowing if this love is worth fighting for. Keeping a relationship going strong is never easy and for me, this is a re-test of faith.