broken

I find myself very distracted today. I thought B sounded sad when I called during lunch. I told myself not to appear sad while cheering him up. He laughed at my crazy antics. Totally unglamorous of me to clown around while having lunch but knowing that he wasn't all moody was worth it. We also met up after work. I shared what I thought. B didn't tell what was his decision will be. From my own judgements, I suppose B doesn't wish to hurt me. However, I am very likely to be left behind yet again. Since when has he defended our love as openly as I would? It is alright. He has a greater purpose in life besides loving me. Whatever the decision will be, I'm already broken. Respecting his decision is the least I'd do. It will not kill me just by leaving me to pick up the pieces. I chose to be vulnerable when it comes to this man.