Google search breach my privacy!

Since my break-up getaway with Naz and Su, we've developed a closer friendship. We are transparent about our thoughts. Especially when it comes to love. Both the girls are attached, coincidentally their partners are in Sydney right now. Naz and her Aussie sweet love are trying to make things work. Like any long-distance relationship, they call, text, Skype and definitely looking forward to seeing each other soon. I share their excitement. Su is in a 'complicated' relationship with this Singaporean who is pursuing his studies there. It's been barely a month but her love issues seem disturbing! She is dating someone insecure. That is a turn-off to me. Thus, I am thankful that I'm not in her shoes. 


Anyway, the three of us decided to author a shared blog. We'd so much fun coming up with the name. It was like celebrating a birth! On a serious note, that was solely me and my exaggerations. The intention was to share private conversations among ourselves. However, I was just informed; Su's bf told her that he read our blog and even left comments. Somehow he googled her name and FB nickname. It wasn't only Blogger but also Twitter. The entries left him disappointed with the way she thinks of him. He felt that she thinks lowly of him. Honestly, Su only told us about him when they got together earlier this month. 


Nothing really negative but I suppose it'd bruise his ego further knowing that his gf hates his indecisiveness and his need for her to be more expressive, big time. Su was getting suffocated by the way he thinks.To me, I find it a lot more attractive when my man makes decisions about his life and share his visions of future while including me in difficult decision-making. I want to be loved by a man and not some boy trying to act grown-up. We are not teenagers anymore. Everyone grows up with expectations so come on, why can't he just see it as he managed to find out more about how she feels and reflect about her comments? See it positively!


Now that he confessed in doing a Google search on Su, it brought me to think of why the need to do so?! Questions I thought of include: Are they too free? Invading others' privacy only to judge? They care so much about the 'search'? I was a victim of such an act. Here's my story on what happened two months back. Someone influential to Phil, made me regret how I carelessly posted some really joyful moments in my own blog. Phil reminded me it was possible to search for anything online. That someone was his pastor. Perhaps she needed to make sure we didn't get back together. Somehow my entries proved we were very much in love even when we were no longer an item. We'd indeed cheated a year of being so close, that hardly any platonic relationship could have been. That is what I call 'our two years official, another year unofficial relationship'. 


I don't know if there are others doing a search on 'Yann Wong'.  Just how you'd do a search for me? I think it'd be easier with keywords like 'Philo Tay' or 'scribblesfun'. I tried and it worked. I absolutely don't think it is necessary though. I mind my own business, speak my mind and color my blog with entries which matter to me at the very moment. I can be very random. I reflect a lot on my past experience so what you see is really about me. I'm the 'girl-next-door' who is mending a broken heart. I can guarantee you that reading my thoughts beats hearing me sob at times when I get depressed or hear me laugh so hard at ridiculous stuffs. If you are my neighbour, you'd probably move out. Too much drama.  ; )

good day to be content

I feel that today is a good day to be content, so I'm taking a vacation from my worries. I will take this moment to conjure up a fond memory. 'Just the way you are' by Bruno Mars is playing in the background. This song was introduced by Philo. Back that, he told me when he heard this song, he thought of me instantly. That was really sweet. Not that the song is my favorite since but it became a memory of his love. The chapter of being with him means I can just be who I am and grow with love. It was blissful. The pills are making me drowsy. I'm thinking of what else to ponder and write about.

I did a search in my entries for the word 'content'. It brought me to this."Perhaps we made efforts to remain true to our promise. I'm contented being loved by my love. We are happy and that matters most to me. I will come back to this entry as our relationship withstand the test of time." The written proof shows; that was the time in my life when I was content and happy. Then, I need not be his gf but knowing we love each other deeply was enough. I'd complete faith we'd work things out someday. It was just a matter of time and staying true. It's been officially two months I've not heard from him.

I loved him. I have done enough to love him. I thank God for all the blessings. I'm sure there were many more moments where I was content but I didn't put them up as written memories. At this very moment, I am happy and content reading my musings, with a tub of Ben & Jerry's to comfort me as I take a walk down memory lane. It is so good to be on medical leave, just being away from the hectic battlefield.

One of my personal favorite captured moments.

Being content was to be a heart beat away.

To love is not to possess.

bf refers to Phil

My ex colleague sent me a sms to invite me to her house warming . I decided that I'd just drop by since her new place is nearby. She was thoughtful to ask if I'm bringing my bf too. Shortly after, I read "Bring Philo along la girl. He got church meh?" It is surprising that she remembers him by name. When she mentioned bf, I thought of him cos I knew she'd refer him as THE bf. I simply replied "RSVP for my attendance only, dear. Thanks for the invite."

Dedicated

17th March was Phil's birthday. I wanted to wish him. I had to convince myself that it wouldn't hurt to wish someone I miss dearly on his special day. It'd have been a whole lot easier if it was wishing an acquaintance in Facebook. I feel sad thinking how changes restrict communication. I talk to God and somehow I believe that Phil will receive my telepathic waves. There is something I can't explain but I think I'd hear his heart sometimes and just know I've to listen to my heart. My mind screams "I must be insane" when that happens! I get a little scared sometimes. Despite absence, we'd still be connected whereby God sends my thoughts to him. Perhaps..A simple example like Thessalonians 3:12-13.

Since I can't be there to celebrate his birthday, I blew the candles, ate the sinful Nutella cake slice and made a wish for him. I thought of the initial plans we had for his 30th which might have made me $3000 poorer. That shall remain as an unfulfilled wish and our little secret. I decided to send in a song dedication for him. I knew that he probably would not tune to the radio station though. It was almost midnight when I heard Yasmeen read my dedication. I smiled listening to her comments; I still love him. Hope he'd a blessed B'day.

Happy Birthday, B.

transcript to remember

Those who read this blog from my previous, would know Woon. P.S: I was amused by my past entries such as the link. He is my first love. Someone I was with for 44 months. I fell into depression when he left me. He cheated on me but I turned a blind eye to keep him. He criticised me by even finding faults with how I looked when he wanted to break up. It must have been really terrible then cos I fainted. He told me to be a gracious woman who will be well-loved by my next boyfriend. Not that I became more gracious, but I definitely felt well-loved by the man who gave me the courage to trust and learn to love again. Never mind that the boyfriend left me too. Thank God I have forgotten all my pain cos I forgave. Angry over being abandoned after betrayals and having my hopes crushed were impactful lessons. I'm touched he took the initiative to have this unexpected conversation. It has been >4 years I last heard from him. Thus this transcript meant a lot to me. I loved him.

10:17:45 PM woon: hi Yani

10:17:53 PM yann : hey

10:18:00 PM woon: ( =

10:18:03 PM yann : =)

10:18:04 PM woon: how r u

10:18:09 PM yann : i'm fine

10:18:21 PM yann : it has been a long while eh

10:18:31 PM woon: =0

10:18:38 PM woon: yes

10:18:50 PM yann : =)

10:19:16 PM woon: thanks for being a part of my life

10:19:24 PM woon: thank you

10:20:14 PM woon: hey how's your parents?

10:20:29 PM yann : they are well thank you

10:20:48 PM yann : papa is still working at the fish farm

10:20:51 PM yann : =)

10:21:34 PM woon: ( = tell them i'm sorry for screwing up their daughter's life

10:22:40 PM yann : i will

10:23:06 PM yann : hehe is that really needed?

10:23:51 PM yann : Melvin, you were my 1st love of cos I can't handle our break up well

10:24:19 PM yann : Thank you for being that special person who taught me to be gracious

10:24:38 PM woon: is that realli needed?

10:24:44 PM yann : lol

10:25:01 PM woon: live strong

10:25:08 PM yann : i will

10:25:20 PM woon: am proud of you

Puppy love

With such a surname, it wasn't so hard to find him in Facebook. I don't know why it took me this long to do a search though. I must be really bored! Was more convinced that it was him cos of academic background. He was studying an Art subject in NYP back then and the last I heard from him, he was teaching graphic design. I didn't remember how he looked like but in the profile pic, he looked blessed with his new-born. The dimple looks familiar! The excitement of having found Will after ten years.

We used to write to each other a lot. He'd the neatest handwriting for a boy. Just the thought of how I loved seeing the usual postman to deliver my letters puts a silly smile on my face. I think we stopped writing soon after I dated some other boys! I still keep the self-made birthday card for my 18th, self- designed tee shirt and sweetest memories! Our puppy love.

It's still good as new! 10 years and counting.

On a separate note

It was almost 1am. I was trying to sleep but it felt as if I was waiting up. I didn't feel complete. It was like going to bed knowing you haven't brushed your teeth. However, I knew what was bothering me. I was wondering about his absence. Suddenly I thought I heard my phone. I stared at it as if it wasn't supposed to function that way. It was indeed ringing and it wasn't a call from anyone in my phonebook. I still answered it but the caller hung up on me. I didn't return the call. That very instant, I was overwhelmed with sadness and sobbed! I hid in the covers and bit myself as I teared. I didn't want my family to hear me. I was missing him even more so. That call reminded me just how much I miss listening to his voice and it was so painful I didn't feel the bleeding on my arm. God puts me to sleep after all the crying and hurting.

no matter

It surprises me when I learnt about Mama missing him. It wasn't a case of out of sight, out of mind when it comes to him. I was out with my sisters shopping. They commented that the salesperson reminds them of him. They started to go on about how B look like and the similar features they share. I smiled cos in my heart and mind, there is a vivid image of him. I felt a pinch though when I heard that Mama believes if it is meant to be, we'll get back together, no matter. Guess everyone at home miss him. I wasn't the only one! Perhaps I no longer know what it is like to miss someone that much cos I think of him everyday. I see him in my sleep too.

Note

" For the curly haired girl. Your time will come too. Don’t give up ok, have that infectious smile plastered on your face constantly. I know it’s not easy. But if it’s love, it will find its own way around. The universe is fair, and in balance. Just have faith. I know it will come round for you. "

I love this note, simply cos it's written by a friend.

At your service

In my ten years with Singapore Post, most of the compliments I received were from customers who left Singapore or foreigners. Some months back, I got one which complimented my service standard. He shared that he was impressed with the constant excellent services rendered by me. It reminds him of the friendly service received in Vancouver, Canada as something so natural but unfortunately so uncommon in Singapore. I thought that I was just enjoying my work and it wasn't anything out of ordinary to be friendly in the frontline. This morning, I felt touched by a compliment received in the office email. Again, such recognitions came unexpected. I thank God for HIS kind blessings. It was a pleasant surprise which made my day. This comes in time before my appraisal this month.

Here are the details: "Good day. I went to your Bedok Central Post Office this morning to send a parcel to my daughter in NZ. At counter 7, I was greeted by a Malay young lady- I forgot to read her name tag. She arranged the necessary parcel box and papers for me to complete and while filling the papers. I heard her talking Mandarin with another Chinese customer, I was born and bred in Penang and left Malaysia to become a New Zealander since 1988. Now, my wife and I are visiting our son and his Singaporean wife who gave birth to a daughter on the Singapore National Day last year. Wow! Our NZ Post services are next to none, but you have this Malay colleague, she was courteous and up to speed, a very rare effective Malay personnel if you want to find in Malaysia. Big praise to your government's system in bringing up the true breed of Singaporean on equal footing and thus, she is your asset that you can be really proud of. Continue your good work! Singapore Post. Maju-lah Singapura!"

Customer service isn't the best job but it isn't the worst either. However, working for a company which does almost everything, customers have a higher expectation from me. For example, I get silent customers too. I'd to guess if they do not speak English, mute/ deaf, mesmerized by me or they are at the counter for a mind-reading session?! I realize customers treat us like stars on the stage. They watch us while they wait in the queue. When they recognize me out of the office, they'd smile and sometimes share quick conversations. That explains why even when I am holidaying, people get excited when they see me. Stories about where they saw me would continue at the counter. I love meeting people and I think being with HR department should work well for me too. I suppose despite having hopes to leave this comfort zone, I'd always give my best in my job.

Here is a food for thought. Does it take so much time to write in to praise someone? Does it hurt to smile at a tired and grumpy customer service officer to wish her/him a better day ahead? When it comes to complaints, I was one who'd write in or email soonest possible. I was also one who will fight for my right. For someone who has a strong customer service orientation and a keen observer by occupational hazard, let's see how long I can turn a blind eye to poor service standards .Till I have an unacceptable customer service experience, I shouldn't have anything to complain about.

cranky

Of late, I always feel unwell at night. I shall bring this up during the doc's appointment this Friday. Don't know why but I'm especially restless today. There is this out-of-sorts feeling which I can't explain. I wanted to transfer some pics but I ended up going through the beautiful collection of albums. It's either that he takes really nice photos or I was happiest with him around. Captured moments brought back happy memories. I shall talk to God. I may just feel better tomorrow.